You work out of a Hotel?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
