sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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