Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i barfeds in our rink
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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