the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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