Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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