So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
