Can i not drive my cunt home
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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