you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
