Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
