upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
