You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Small penises have feelings too.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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