You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
