My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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