Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
