You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
