Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
