I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
