he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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