well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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