You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
