So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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