so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
