I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
