Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
