I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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