I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
