Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
