what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
