You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
