I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
