Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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