i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
