You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
