Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
