I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
