honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
