I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
