how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
