Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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