soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
