Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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