My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
