it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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