it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
