Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
as a side note pls kill me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
