Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
