i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
