Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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