Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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