Need sex. Gaining weight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
